The Christmas Challenge Page 13
He looked at the little hand in his, marveling. Strange feeling to hold a hand that small, and he wondered if he’d held hands with a kid before. He couldn’t remember. And like a vengeful god rising up from Copper Mountain wielding a cross bow, Laird was hit dead center in his chest with the painful and familiar hot and icy cold blast that nearly buckled his knees. He should anticipate it by now, the pain that still seemed to come out of nowhere each time he remembered Nina making a decision that should have been theirs together, of her caustic dismissal of him and his “innate inability to be a father.”
He had an impulse to sweep Parker up in his arms and hold him tightly, bury his face in the crook of his neck. Not his, he reminded himself as he sucked in a shaky breath. None of it. There would be no kid. No wife. No extended family like this. What the hell was he doing here pretending? He wasn’t looking for his possible real family because Tucker was providing him with hers, and even as she was struggling to try to fit in, he realized that he too was trying. But it was an illusion.
He was being offered a glimpse into a life he’d never had. Siblings. Large family. And just to stab the knife deeper, a kid.
“You like tacos?” Parker asked.
Laird nearly laughed in relief. Kids were in the moment, and Parker had just dragged him back from the edge of hell.
“I think they are their own food group.”
They crossed the bridge back into the park. The Stroll was winding down, but the food carts still were open. The taco truck was obviously popular as there was still a line. Country-style Christmas carols played. They stood in line and ordered several combinations of tacos, vegetarian for Talon, which seemed to completely miss the point of tacos in Laird’s opinion, but Parker explained his mother’s vegetarianism because she was “studying to be a vet and she has more homework than I do.”
Laird carried the chips and salsa to a picnic table that had been cleared of snow. Huge heaters did their best to stave off the frigid mid-December air, but Laird was accustomed to much rougher conditions, and he barely noticed the cold. Tanner and Luke seemed impervious as well. Luke grabbed a folding plastic chair and pulled it up to the table. He sat down and pulled Tanner on his lap. She reached for a taco.
“Chicken or beef?” she asked him.
He whispered something in her ear, and she laughed.
“Keep it G, cowboy,” she advised and held out the taco.
He took a huge bite, kissing her hand and trailing his lips along her wrist.
“How ’bout PG, cowgirl?” he answered, and Laird felt a stab at their intimacy. Had he ever had that? With Nina? Didn’t seem familiar.
Luke was talking too low to hear, his mouth pressed against Tanner’s ear.
“Luke,” she blushed but laughed, clearly pleased.
Tucker carried a tray of coffees.
“These should be margaritas,” she announced setting them on a table. “On a beach. Why the hell am I freezing my ass off in a Montana winter when it’s sunny and seventy-two degrees in Los Angeles? Oh. Yeah. My twin’s getting married.”
Tanner looked up and something passed between them. Tanner about to speak, Tucker defiant. Luke ran his thumb along Tanner’s cheekbone to capture her attention and she leaned more fully into him. Laird saw Tucker visibly relax.
He ached for her, wanting to connect with her twin, set aside the hurts of the past, and make new memories. He ached to find his twin. Make a future if possible.
Colt joined the group, Parker and Talon in tow. He pulled out a chair for Talon, and she sat. Parker clamored up on her lap, cradling a taco in his hand. He sighed and leaned against his mother, his eyes fluttered, and Laird suspected that Parker wouldn’t make it through his first taco, much less ten.
Laird grabbed three more available chairs, first setting one up for Tucker, and then another for Colt and then himself. At the same time he and Colt both swung them around backwards and straddled the chairs.
“Now that’s cool,” Tucker drawled. “Magic Mike thing. Practically choreographed. You boys gonna dance for us? All you need is the bare chest and the bow tie.”
“Too cold,” Laird answered quickly.
Laird grinned at Colt as if they were co-conspirators. He’d sat like this in chairs for as long as he could remember. Had pissed his mother off. And teachers. Gotten detentions. He bet Colt had caught shit too.
“Did you wear a bow tie for your auction thing?” Luke asked Colt.
“No,” Colt answered, short and terse.
“C’mon, give us the goods. Tie? Snowy white shirt starched to standing open at the neck like a proper gigolo?” Luke persisted.
Talon smiled openly, and pressed a light kiss to Colt’s high-cut cheekbone.
“Shirt off?” Luke persevered, clearly enjoying Colt’s discomfort.
Laird tried to picture Colt, wearing Carhartt work pants and a Henley shirt with a flannel shirt over it and a fleece lined coat, in a suit and failed. Maybe it was all the muscles and restless energy.
“What did you wear?” Laird asked, now curious because he remembered Tucker had mentioned an auction.
“I’m an as-is guy,” he said.
“And you bought him?” Luke laughed at Talon.
“I bought him for her. Best investment ever,” Tanner said smugly.
“You gonna scrub up for your wedding I hope,” Laird teased. “Both of you.”
“Absolutely. Armani suit,” Luke said.
“Hell no,” Colt said quickly his eyes searching Luke’s. “No way. Not me.”
Laird smiled. “You’re a mouth breathing knuckle dragger about dressing up.” Not that he enjoyed it, and the last time he probably had had been his high school proms.
“Yeah,” Colt said. “You won’t find it so funny if you’re still here in the spring and your ass is up on the stage at Grey’s like a steer at auction.”
Laird laughed. “Try it.”
“Bet you scrub up pretty even with your Portland-style hipster beard. And then there’s your hair. What is up with that? It’s longer than our brother Kane’s and he’s had women try to cut it in bars so they can put it in lockets or whatever. Totally creepy.” Luke finished off another taco and shook his head, clearly laughing at Laird.
“That doesn’t happen,” Laird objected, wishing he could pull Tucker on his lap. Instead she sat across from him. He wondered how she’d feel if he reached out and held her hand. They were pretending to be a couple. He was feeling like a couple. He had to keep reminding himself they weren’t, which made him feel lonely. And cold as if all the years of aloneness that had never bothered him had all caught up and wrapped him in their bony hug.
“It does. He has these pretty curls if he works at it.”
“Don’t forget about all the flung panties you told me about,” Tanner played with the hair at Luke’s nape. “Kane is the prettier brother supposedly, but I think Talon and I disagree.” Tanner grinned cheekily, and it was the first time Laird had seen her happy.
Colt looked pained at the “pretty” description, and Talon openly laughed at him, one of her hands was wrapped around Colt’s beefy shoulders, the other holding Parker on her lap as his eyes drifted closed. They looked like the perfect family, Laird thought with longing.
“If Kane ever gets married his wife’s gonna have to put a leash on his neck and bells on his balls,” Tucker said.
“I love that.” Luke held up his coffee like he was toasting Tucker. “Remind me to say that at his wedding toast.”
Tucker smiled and her feet kicked gently at Laird’s under the table. He felt himself relax a little. The connection with her always helped. Time did work magic, and he began to believe that he too would heal. That the anguish he felt about the loss of a family he’d never known and the loss of possible fatherhood would lessen. That he could be happy again. Sleep through the night without his thoughts keeping him up pacing or working out to shut up his brain.
“If there is another bachelor auction, I promise to bid on you,”
Tucker whispered.
“You already got me,” he shot back without thinking, and then he winced. They hadn’t talked about anything past December. Usually that suited him just fine, but now he was wanting more, wondering if he could stay in Marietta for the New Year. Through spring and summer. Stay for an entire year and re-evaluate his life. He’d promised himself he’d try to put down roots. Get a normal job at least for a year. Why not Marietta? Would Tucker welcome that or push him away? Would she even be here? Would he even be able to stay? He’d need to find some work, and a place to stay and he didn’t know if that would be easy in a smaller Montana town. He wasn’t a cowboy.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t pay much attention to the talk about finding a Christmas tree. The tension in Tucker’s voice brought him back.
“We don’t need to go to the Scott tree farm,” Talon said, looking at Colt. “We have plenty of trees on our property that would work.”
“We’ve always bought the trees from the Scott farm,” Tanner said, a tremor in her voice. “And his parents before that.”
“I thought you were marrying Luke, not tradition,” Tucker suddenly burst out. “Give it a rest, Tanner. Doing everything Dad did is dumb. Live a little. Make up a new rule and break it. Dad got us into this mess by being so stuck on the past and tradition. It’s archaic and stupid to think that the McTavish ranch still should go to the eldest son, especially when there wasn’t going to be a son. Not like he ever tried to get over mom. And he was so bitter that she left and that we weren’t sons, he started drinking, more and more. You aren’t the only one who found bottles,” Tucker said, her voice hard and angry. “I didn’t want to get dragged down by all of that. After his accident he got worse, brooding over everything he didn’t have instead of looking at what he did have. He didn’t appreciate everything you sacrificed. He didn’t appreciate all the things you did to make the ranch better. And now look. Daddy’s got nothing. No son. No ranch. No health. No family. He should be here with us. But he’s not. And it’s easier isn’t it? But it shouldn’t be. And I’m sick of all the pretending.”
Tucker scrambled to her feet. Tanner looked as if Tucker had struck her.
“This is dumb all of us pretending nothing is wrong. We should be talking about your wedding and about where you’re going to live and what’s going to happen to all the animals, and instead you are trying to replicate every Christmas past like we’re in a loop.”
“We have made some plans,” Tanner said, her freckles blazing on her pale cheeks.
Tucker’s mouth dropped open and the pain that flashed in her eyes was raw. “Really. You are making plans. Just like Daddy did. Alone. It’s my home too. You always said it was my home and that I could always come home whenever I wanted. But that was just more pretending. Thanks for including me in all your precious plans. You’re not even having a real wedding if you won’t let me stand up with you, and I don’t think it’s just because of something that happened years ago before Luke even met you. Even you aren’t so pig headed and insecure you’d hold that against me or him.”
She gathered up her plate of uneaten tacos and trashed them vehemently so that salsa splattered in the snow like blood.
“Please, Laird, I would love a ride home if you don’t mind.”
Chapter Eleven
Tucker was quiet on the ride back. Curled up in the seat of his Jeep. He let her be. Instead watched the moon low on the horizon sail another inch higher in the dark sky. He was starting to know the highway. Get comfortable. Not have to slow down so early for the turn off. He didn’t know what to do or what to say to Tucker to make it better. And he wanted to make her feel better. He wanted to make himself feel better.
Laird drove all the way to the horse arena instead of stopping in the usual ranch parking places. He stopped the Jeep. Turned off the lights. Fiddled with his key chain. Did she want to be alone? Did she want company? She didn’t move, and he wondered if she’d fallen asleep, drained after her emotional outburst.
He got out of the Jeep and, as she didn’t follow, he went around and opened her door. Her green eyes swam with tears.
“Sorry,” she said.
“What for?”
“For ruining the night. For making you leave early when you were having fun, for making a scene when I’d promised not to.”
He leaned into the car and rested his forehead against hers.
“First, you never have to apologize to me about your feelings; and second that was a weak scene so it doesn’t even count.”
“I just got so mad,” Tucker allowed him to pull her out of the Jeep. She stood in front of him, looking a little sheepish. “Tanner gets just as bottled up as Daddy does. I hope Luke is prepared for that.”
“That’s their deal, not yours,” Laird said. “And it’s okay to admit you’re hurt, Tucker. Tanner’s been shutting you out the entire two weeks I’ve been here. And now you are both losing your home. Not just a house, but your ranch. Your way of life. Your security and history.”
“I was counting on you to try to make me feel better, not rub it in,” Tucker said ruefully.
Despite all the dark emotions swirling around inside him tonight, Laird laughed. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his body. Of course he reacted to her nearness immediately. Hopefully she couldn’t tell with her coat on and his coat on. Tucker sighed and nestled closer.
He tilted her chin up so he could see her.
“Before we go inside,” he said softly. “I need to do this.”
He lowered his mouth and kissed her plump, parted lips. Immediately the kiss went from sweet to desperate, as he lost himself in her soft, welcoming warmth and rising passion.
“Laird,” she whispered, and he took that as an invitation to plunder her mouth, tongues meshing, teasing. His hands swooped under her jacket so he could better explore her curves and meld her to his body.
And now there was no hiding his erection, and he really didn’t want to. He was tired of pretending. Pretending to her that he thought of her as a friend when she was becoming so much more. Pretending to her sister that they were lovers when they weren’t. Yet. Pretending he was easygoing and whole when he still felt shattered. Pretending to himself that he was still focused on fixing the past when instead he felt perched on a precipice that lead to an unimagined future, and he couldn’t help the thought that he wanted Tucker to walk that path with him.
He loved the way she kissed him back, and the way her hands parted his coat, and her fingers touched his pecs like they belonged to her, and he wanted them to. God, he wanted to see her naked and sweaty and under him. And that’s why he was kissing her outside.
He reluctantly pulled away, his hands smoothing her coat back down over her body.
“Warm enough?” He picked up her scarf from where it had fallen when his hands had opened her coat and his mouth had explored the creamy flesh of her long, delicate neck.
“Broiling,” she said, still pressed against him so he could feel the slam of her heart. “Your mouth is magic and makes me pretty much forget everything.”
He smiled, feeling like she’d detonated a little sun inside him.
“Everything you do is magic to me, Tucker,” he said, meaning it, wanting her to know. He kissed her once more on her mouth that immediately drew him down into a dizzy, disorienting heat and pleasure. He lost track of time and space.
This time when he pulled back, they were both breathless, and one of his legs was thrust between Tucker’s slim thighs and he could feel her heat. He had a sudden image of dropping to his knees, opening her skinny jeans and pulling them down far enough to taste paradise. His mouth watered at the thought. He wanted to see Tucker come with his mouth on her and then with his cock buried deep.
“Okay,” he tried to laugh at himself and his eager imagination when he’d only wanted a kiss to feel some closeness to warm him, but now his body was a raging inferno, a three-fucking-alarm fire. “Okay. Pulling myself together.”
“In my imagination we were, but now, ahhh, Boy Scout mode.”
She laughed. “You are so not the Boy Scout type.”
“Why do you say that?” he pulled open the barn. “Eagle Scout by the time I was fourteen. Then life scout.”
Tucker laughed and slid through the door, making sure her body brushed by him full press, and her hand cupped him as she went by. “I always picture Boy Scouts all nerdy and stinking from all their outdoor boy time and also praying a lot.”
Laird caught her hand and lifted it to his mouth. “That’s an attractive thought and not inaccurate, although the only praying I remember doing was that I would get laid, and now I’m praying for strength to resist you for two more endless weeks,” he groaned.
“Good thing you’re not a Borg, resistance is futile,” she said in a robotic voice. “All my good intentions would be gone.”
“Now you’re killing me. Funny. Smart. Sexy. And a Treky,” he pulled her in for another kiss, but she touched his mouth with her finger.
“Tanner’s the smart one.”
“Now it’s my turn to call BS. You are smarter and stronger than you know, Tucker. Tanner may be smart. I’m sure she is. But you’re smart too, Tucker. You can do anything you want. Be anything you want to be. You don’t have to move back to Marietta just because the LA acting thing didn’t work out.”
Tucker nibbled on her lower lip. Her expression uncertain. Then she smiled and he thought she’d kiss him again. Instead she pulled away and went to a small fridge in the corner of the barn and pulled out a couple of apples, which she proceeded to cut up. He followed her as she made the rounds to the stalls, giving each horse some rubs and a treat. Her low voice was melodic as she greeted each horse by name and talked to them as if each were a friend, not an animal.
When she’d finished and washed her hands, she took his hand and led him up the stairs. It felt different this time, and Laird’s heart was pounding, not only from desire, but from nerves.